This is an inclusive community for all things women. Whether you’re here for make up tips, feminism or just friendly chit chat, we’ve got you covered.
I feel like men can do all of those things, so I don’t see why we are excluding them. Just because it’s a women-centric community doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed. I think we should exclude people who are bigoted instead, or even people who just don’t “get” women’s issues.
Aside: I’m personally irritated that make-up is what’s considered a woman-centric topic. That’s kind of reductive – not everyone is femme.
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yes, this is a great example! And men IRL who talk over women can have a chilling effect that the man responding to everyone can create - there is a confrontational nature to the interaction that gives it a “talking over” feeling, it’s basically just aggression and not reading the social situation that then leads to women not feeling like participating as much or being vulnerable about how they feel (esp. if they think they will be challenged or criticized for it).
Sometimes it’s just nice to have a break from that confrontational style of interaction and to feel like people are going to be receptive and kind to you. (I would like to think plenty of men feel this way in male spaces, too, btw!)
You’ve very thoroughly explained exactly what I was thinking of! Thank you :-)
(Sorry for the late response.)
I actually don’t agree that this is “talking over.” For one thing, this is a tree-structure forum, so on any give root-leaf path, the man is only 50% of the messages (and this is more relevant IMO). For another, I don’t even see what this man is doing wrong. He is politely responding to every response in turn. But ultimately, I just don’t think this really counts as “talking over” – I experience being “talked over” in real life a lot, and it feels like being unable to get a word in. It does not feel like “being able to say as much as I want to, and then get a direct reply,” which is the experience all the women you have described are having.
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I think I understand the problem you are pointing out. You’re saying that the forum shifts to have too many comments by men. But that’s not the same thing as being talked over.
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You’ve misunderstood me entirely. This is not merely an argument of semantics. Being talked over is a really bad thing, and yeah, I obviously don’t want that to be a thing that happens more. In contrast, increasing the proportion of men is essentially by definition the thing that I’m asking about in this thread – why aren’t men permitted. This means you’re begging the question: “permitting men would be bad because it would increase the amount of posts by men.” You’re just asserting that’s bad for some reason. I’m really not being pedantic here.
Anyway, if you’re trying to educate me about basic etiquette, you obviously think I’m arguing in bad faith. So let’s just call it off here.
Fair enough. Anyway, I am not advocating that well-intentioned men be permitted into the community – just ones that fit in.
That comes with the logistical challenges of …
a) how do you find out which ones will fit in?
b) who defines what “fitting in” means?
c) would the men who are feminist and “fit in” not feel weirded out by being allowed into somewhere that’s meant to be for women to talk amongst themselves? I mean, I would feel like I was invading something private if I were invited into a support group for men.
I presume that any woman who acts like a disrespectful man would be kicked, so that would be the same predicate for (a) and (b).
As for (c), how should I know. Maybe they would feel kinship for some reason, like they’re in touch with their feminine side. Or perhaps they are facing an issue most commonly experienced by women. IDK, I’m not a man. Is this a support group?
Rule 2 is don’t be a dick, so being disrespectful might get someone kicked regardless of their gender. Someone’s gender is not just from being disrespectful, we often just ask the person.
Any place where we (assuming adult women) talk amongst ourselves is a support group sometimes