This paper presents implementations that match and, where possible, exceed current quantum factorisation records using a VIC-20 8-bit home computer from 1981, an abacus, and a dog. We hope that this work will inspire future efforts to match any further quantum factorisation records, should they arise.
The dog outperformed the quantum computer despite not having any notion of what a number was, so I think any human could manage. Possibly including dead and/or unborn humans.