Pretty rough. I’m overworked what with the holidays. My job is doing this stupid thing where they’ve decommissioned our handhelds and want us to use android phones with proprietary software. But each phone is locked to one specific user, it can’t be used when that person is clocked out, and there aren’t enough to go around. So basically every day we have tons of people using each other’s equipment, doing work under their names, wrecking their metrics, and praying that person doesn’t clock out while they’re working on an order.

Also if that person starts working on another device, anyone else working under their name gets kicked out. For some reason all the team leads have 2-3 phones registered to them, but only one can be used to take orders at a time. They can ostensibly be used for other tasks, but they keep getting left for us who do grocery orders.

All this buildup to explain why my boss committed fraud in my name. Someone needed a phone, my phone was in the store, so she clocked me in so they could use it, forgot to delete it later and never told me. I just happened on it a day before it went to payroll. I spent my whole day off trying to get HR on the phone to fix it.

My mom’s car broke down too, and my brother had a ton of medical stuff to do this month. So the rest of my days off were spent on that. I don’t live at home, this was quite out of my way. I’m happy he got everything he needed and is recovering well, it’s just been a lot for me to deal with.

I feel like I never relax. My house is a huge mess, I have flies, I don’t keep a consistent gym schedule anymore and I’m constantly behind on cooking. But I have no rest or recreation to show for it. I managed to see Sonic yesterday and I think that’s the longest amount of time I’ve allotted for fun in a long time.

Next week will be better. Gonna survive Christmas and clean the house, then maybe I can have company and we can have fun and I won’t feel like life is just a slog

ETA oh yeah, the only queer therapist I could find turned me down due to my availability. I’ve tried a bunch of cishet therapists but I have to explain so much to them, and none of them ever fully believe I’m not just “catastrophizing” about being queer in the southern US. I think I’m giving up on treating the depression, it was a stupid idea

Hey, wonder what’s happening with Beehaw.

Are y’all still doing this federation thing? Y’all haven’t been updating your Lemmy.

👀

My week has been good My supervisor wanted to talk to me during work on Tuesday, but it was actually about my leftover vacations. He said I have enough pto for the rest of the year, so that was a nice holiday present. I really need to pay attention to that, though, next year.

I had a horrible year at work. This was the first week of vacation until January. I’ve taken time to think about a new job, fix my CV, and just relax.

I can feel my anxiety and stress bubbling as we get closer to Christmas. My family is massive and events are spread over four days, so between the cash I had to spend to cover gifts for everyone and how much the entire family will be at each others throats I’m grateful for medication.

I’m currently alternating between the normal holiday stress, the anxiety that comes with watching the world going to hell, and being grateful for having it so good.

A while ago I have picked up the habit of regularly reminding myself how privileged I am in many aspects, and this has made me an immensely more grateful (and also more humble) person. I’ve also found new ways to be more mindful both towards myself and others in the process.

At the same time the whole world seems to go crazy around us. This week another European country close to us has recommended that people stock up on cash in case of ‘infrastructure failure’ due to hybrid warfare or other acts of sabotage.

We’re Swiss so by law our basement has a small shelter made of 35cm (a foot and a bit) of reinforced concrete. Ours is filled with food and water, medical supplies, uninterruptible power (it’s also used as a server room) and camping supplies. Funny enough that’s less of a prepper thing and more of a “there’s enough space down here and stuff doesn’t get in the way” situation, but I find myself spending more time down there lately because it’s oddly comforting.

My rescue dog has been dreaming a lot lately, and I suspect many of these dreams are nightmares; she used to have these regularly when she moved in with us three years ago. I wonder if she’s picking up unusual vibes from me or it’s something entirely in her own head.

On a more positive note: the holidays ahead promise to be mostly peaceful, and so far most people in my extended family seem to remember our mutual no-presents pact. What more could one ask for?

Flying as I write this to see family for xmas. Nice to see them but also I’m not out to them yet and they’re in Florida. A bit of an unfortunate combo

My kitten has grown into a cuddly snuggle bug. I love her so much.

Recovering from the flu. I’m just glad I can breathe again.

Y’all, I was witness to a weird crashing of the old guard and new guard of governance. I was in the process of passport renewal in my country, and this has two stages. Stage 1 is where you submit your proof of address and proof of birth documents physically, and stage 2 is when the police come to your residence to verify your address, as well as redo the document verification. Now, one might think that this process is a little redundant isn’t it? If you have to submit your documents physically, why are the cops verifying it again? And you would be right, but it gets even more stupid than this.

So, I go to the passport office for Stage 1, and I swear to god, I have never seen a government organization move so quickly. There are three sub-stages within stage 1, and each stage took not more than 5 minutes. Everything was digitized, and in case you missed your token number appearing on the numerous screens, people will call out your name specifically and direct you to the specific counter you need to go to. All the while, you wait in an air-conditioned room with a refreshment shop as well.

In contrast to the absolute dream that was stage 1, the police first refused to come to my home, made me go to the police station, and then proceeded to do the friendly interrogation thing for 15 minutes. Now, if you’re not familiar with this method, the idea is to ask pointed questions and delve into the most minor details, but never in an accusing fashion, the intent being to make you uncomfortable enough to pay for things to be smoothed over. Hell, I was even micro-aggressively fat shamed. Luckily for me, my father used to work high up in governance so the cop was a little placated, but in the end he would not let me go until I paid a “service charge”.

Wild stuff, folks. Take care out there.

I finally finished all my Christmas cards and got them sent out today.

I always forget how much work it is to use the vinyl cutter and how annoying my printer is, but I think they turned out well in spite of several technical issues.

I’ve basically told the universe: Six days or we’re done. I’ve been at these inflection points before, and am taking actions. It’s still a mix of emotions given living in a hotel 15 years ago – this week – is how I stole my second ex from her best friend of 12 years. And I’m stuck in a hotel because my batteries fell below spec. I have a DC-DC charger on order so as to avoid this ongoing cycle.

But I need a fucking purpose.

The last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling like I could barely stay on top of things, but I’m finally feeling like I can breathe again.

I found what you lost. I’ll be looking for antibiotics tomorrow.

Hope you make a complete recovery soon!

Winter break is about to start! ⌯’▾’⌯ And I’ll eat sushi today with a couple friends as a reward for all the hard work.

I’m excited to pet my dog. (-◡-◍)