Eh, I’ve gotten that feedback from two different friends, plus my sister. And I know I’m autistic. So at some point I have to accept that I’m sending messages I really don’t mean to.

One possibility is that it’s how you phrase things? Everything seems fine here but people tend to write and speak differently, so just throwing out a possibility here.

Maybe? I feel like I try too hard to be polite sometimes. My last therapist told me I was allowed to ask my friends for better ways to phrase things, but they got mad and said I was putting them on the spot.

Last time I explicitly said, “sorry, that was my fault,” and explained what I did wrong, and my friend still took it as me calling him stupid.

I’m beginning to think it’s just too complex for anyone to explain to me how to be nice

Also some subjects are sore as you experienced with your unemployed friend, so having this habit of taking a step back might have helped with realizing that in advance. It’s not always doable of course, you can’t know everything.

What do you do when you accidentally bring up a sore subject? Last time, I apologized and said I should have realized (I should have), and my friend and I got into a two-day argument about whether it was a sincere apology or not. I finally asked what I did to deserve being accused of lying and he just said “well if I had said that I’d mean it manipulatively, so I assumed you did”. So apologizing in that scenario is taken as manipulative, right?

I went into more detail in this comment. Can’t pull exact quotes as I left the group chat because I was tired of constantly causing arguments, so this is the best of my recollection.

Also once friend A was feeling guilty because he was enjoying the weather even though it was the side effect of a natural disaster. I didn’t know this at the time, I was talking with friend B who was encouraging me to vent about my family.

I wasn’t being treated for my OCD and was a paranoid pain in the ass and kept asking why it was OK, when last time I was told that venting about my family was insulting to friend A. Friend A saw this conversation and immediately posted “I know the real reason you’re mad at me—” (I wasn’t mad) “—it’s because I’m a colonizer!”

I don’t pick up on these things and spent the next several weeks trying to figure out why my question insinuated he’s a colonizer, and how to ask things without calling people colonizers.

Like some examples I could give just sound really weird if you weren’t there. And that’s just one where I eventually picked up on what actually went wrong. Mostly I just look back on old arguments and I’m really confused and I wouldn’t be surprised if they sound like word salad when I try to describe them.

This is a good suggestion, thanks!

I’ve tried but I work 8-5 and through the weekend, I can’t find anything compatible with my hours 😭 I’d love to join one of the local hiking groups someday

No, it’s mostly my friends and family telling me I’m being an asshole or insinuating things I didn’t mean to. Oddly enough, people seem to like me at work.

I wasn’t directly called a dick, but I get told I “clearly” mean something I didn’t mean a lot. Like once I was complaining that my siblings (all late 20s to early 30s) didn’t work and expected my mom to pay for everything, and a friend came in with “I know you’re just mad at me for being unemployed” when I wasn’t talking to or about him. Another time, I was venting (with permission) and said I was scared I was a bad person, and this friend took it to mean he was a bad judge of character, and even after I apologized he kept talking about what a bad judge of character he is.

I thought it was just this friend projecting his insecurities, but recently I was arguing with another friend and I apologized and said it was my fault for not explaining myself clearly, and he took it to mean I thought he was too stupid to have serious conversations with. He said I look down on him for being disabled and stopped talking to me.

My sister has also gotten mad at me without warning during casual conversations and I have to pry an explanation out of her and it’s always “your tone of voice made it sound like you were picking a fight”.

Also multiple instances where I was repeatedly told my apologies weren’t genuine and I was lying.

So no one’s straight up called me a dick, but I think a person who says or thinks the things I’m communicating would be a dick. Whether I mean to be or not, the person I’m presenting to the world is a dick. I make people feel awful about themselves, and I want to not do that.

Anyway, thanks for the tips. I try to do all those, but now that I think about it, I’m probably bad at the last one. I’ve definitely been yelled at for not shutting up before.

I tried, unfortunately I get shuffled between relatively solitary jobs and customer service on a moment’s notice. I think last time I tried I was listening to something gory and didn’t have time to pause it before helping a little kid find clothes. Sorry if I looked traumatized, kid.

I could probably find more opportunities to listen at home while doing chores and stuff, though. I have a tendency to want to take in fiction in big blocks of time instead small chunks split across the day, but it’s not always an option.

And the book is The Passenger by Cormac McCarthy! I picked it up kinda blind because I’ve had both friends and Lemmy users recommend books by him, but the library didn’t have any of the ones that were suggested to me.

It’s so stupid, ain’t it? The logic is so broken when you think about it. So the south has oppressive laws. You think that’s bad, because people deserve better, right? Except then you hate people for being oppressed, so much that you want them to suffer further punishment.

So you don’t actually hate oppression, right? So then why don’t you like the south?

Liberals are some of the stupidest creatures alive. (I’m a leftist)

Appalachia is flooded and tons of people can’t get clean water or evacuate due to roads collapsing. Opened Tumblr, saw a smug liberal practically orgasming over “you Trump voters” getting what we deserve.

I guess I’m fighting with my only friend again. I told him I explained something badly and he misunderstood it. He told me he’s too stupid to have serious conversations with. I reiterated that the communication failure was on my end, and he’s not stupid. He suddenly flipped the script and said I always make him feel stupid and that I think he’s lesser than me. Even though he was calling himself stupid and I was trying to reassure him? I attempted to comfort him and asked what I could do better, since I actually really admire him, but he hasn’t replied.

It’s almost time to return my library book and I’ve barely touched it. I carry it everywhere with me, but we’re so busy I have to work through my breaks and I pretty much fall asleep when I get home. I guess it’s more of a hobby for well off people.

Maybe next week will be remotely decent.

Lil bit of a bummer, feels like I just exercise, work, and sleep. My limited free time has been spent on my family, which… ughhhh by the time I realized they mistreated me all my life and I hate them, they’d lost power over me, so basically they’re not pushing me around anymore and think we’re all friends, and I don’t know how to tell them that I’m retroactively spiteful. So I play nice.

Gonna try so hard to get some reading and drawing done in the coming days.

I really like YouTube Revanced on Android, it’s a patcher that includes an ad blocker as well as a ton of other QOL fixes.

But I understand why more people don’t fuck with it, because if you install it wrong, your app will bug in the weirdest ways. Like my YouTube app kept getting renamed with the content of my last error message.

I don’t think you need to apologize at all, that sounds like a terrifying situation. I’m happy you at least have a good vehicle to make that drive, but I wish it wasn’t necessary to jump through such hoops.

Thank you, that’s very kind ❤️

Really depends on the type of wasp. Most of the ones local to me seem chill if stupid. They’ll smack right into you or get in your hair and as long as you don’t swat at them, they’ll eventually fly away.

Not sure about hornets, but I know wasps eat a lot of herbivorous bugs like aphids and caterpillars.

A lot of people see eating caterpillars as one of the “bad” things wasps do, but population control is necessary if we want crops.

Bad mental health week. Accidentally alienated my only friend because he was trying to be nice but I felt like he didn’t hear what I was saying and I kept talking in circles.

I don’t think therapy is an option because I can’t afford an involuntary commitment. I looked it up, and if I get lucky and they send me to the cheapest hospital, the first day will wipe out my savings. It’s a minimum 72-hour hold, I’d be ruined.

Also I didn’t even get my library card because I didn’t realize the library closes early on my day off 😢

Just trying to bury myself in overtime so I don’t have time to mess my life up.

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People just love to assume that archeologists have no idea what sex or gay people are. Not saying there isn’t a problem with that, but the memes are overblown.

I remember seeing a ton of “archeologists: tHeY’rE jUsT fRiEnDs” comments on an ancient illustration of two Egyptian men, when every single source I could find explained why they seem to have been a gay couple.

Ups and downs. Back at the gym but only doing 15lbs per arm. It’s embarrassing and a bit boring because I’m not feeling that burn, but the important thing is that I’m moving and my tendon isn’t hurting too much.

Not sure if I’ve gone into my issues with sleep deprivation, but since I moved my cat has been running around the house howling all night. I thought it was because my commute is longer and she wasn’t getting enough playtime. I started trying to wear her out before bed every day, but she wasn’t getting any better. I finally figured it out one day when I realized that she wouldn’t chase a toy into my bedroom. I don’t know why she was avoiding the room, but I tidied the floor and started leaving treats in there for her while I’m away. She’s slowly started sleeping next to me again, and I feel much better.

I feel like I dropped the ball with one of my friends (?) though. I don’t know if anyone remembers, but a few months back I took some space away from a toxic friend group, citing an OCD episode I was having at the time. I truly didn’t intend to ghost them but since then I’ve realized that I let one particular guy who used to be my bestie push me around and make me feel insane.

He messaged me a few days ago and I got a big anxiety spike and never opened it. I think with everything we’ve been through together he deserves honesty, I just couldn’t make myself talk to him. The worst part is I’m sure he just sent me a goofy meme or something.

So basically things are improving, but my weaknesses are still glaring.