About your freezing up/dissociating: I too live with PTSD and sometimes I find my own patterns of behaviour to be very difficult to change.
But difficult just means difficult, not impossible, right? 💪🏽
Over time I think we can get better at coping with trauma ❤️🩹
In medical terms that concept is called “social determinants of health”. Very real stuff that’s been well-studied and taught in medical schools for many years now.
I hope that one day in the future, even if its a few years away, you’ll write in your diary that the reason for your not needing anti-depressants anymore is “having healed from the patriarchy”.