Sweetheart,
Choked up just thinking of how you are feeling. Losing a pet, and so suddenly is the worst.
Please be gentle with yourself. Hesitant to suggest much, as you sound so vulnerable just now.
What kind of things do you think might be distracting or soothing when you notice your mind has drifted into the self-blame stuff? Are there any friends who live nearby that you could visit?
Am so glad you spoke with the vet and that you’ve escaped that part of things.
Much love to you!