I would also like to point out that in many stories I am far from the main character. I am simply someone that was present for something unusual. For instance, One time I accidentally hung out with a murderer a few days after he killed, but a few days before he turned himself in. He only told me this once we were alone, and he went into great detail. I’m not the main character in that one. It’s just told from my perspective.
I wouldn’t be against it. After all it’s the story of my experiences. From my point of view. So, I mean that would literally make me the main character. No “syndrome” necessary.
While I agree at least from a philosophical standpoint. I am related to too many cops. My uncle was the captain of the Birmingham police Dept. He was the last person to arrest MLK jr. before MLK assassinated. I have worked with cops. I was the bouncer at a bar and we hired cops on the weekend. Those cops were notorious for letting underage chicks in if they were hot. Also, one of the main groups that hung out at that bar were 1% motorcycle club, most of which were local cops. One time a friend flipped off a driver that almost ran us over. The driver came back and told us he was the mayor of the town and his son was chief of the police. He left and the cops showed up. They threatened us with batons and tasers. They arrested my friend for disturbing the peace. I once had a cop choke me while I was handcuffed because he couldn’t find “the dope”. Yet I can say that out of all the interactions I’ve had with cops only one was beneficial. I had a cop drive me home one night when I was walking home drunk.
So, no one should be presumed guilty until proven innocent. My experience tells me that cops are all pieces of shit and are not here for my or anyone else’s benefit, unless you have money.
Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I have a cousin that was a retired deputy. He shot and killed his drug addicted son in cold blood because he was tired of him begging. The county he was a deputy with investigated it and deemed it self defense.
I am a case study in what happens when you just go with it to an extreme. I’ve been thinking about starting a community where I share stories about things I’ve done, things that happened to me, and more importantly the people I’ve met. I’ve been to Nepal and Tibet with a new age cult. I was a homeless heroin addict for over a decade. I was a racist piece of shit until I met an hiv infected gay man that took the time to teach me about empathy, and I am eternally grateful for the lessons he taught me.
I have tons of stories like this one and more. Far far crazier ones. My mom died when I was 7 and my dad worked a whole bunch of overtime and dated a lot. I didn’t really have parents. So I collected parental figures. One was a single dad biker that looked like captain Jack sparrow, but it was the 90’s. He made dinner for me every night. That way when I left night college I had a hot meal. He passed away last week.
I had a mother figure that was like a female early cuyler from squidbillies. She was red neck as fuck and always had a .38 revolver with her. She got me my first checking account. She also sold me Xanax.
So, I was in a bar that looked just like thin in New Orleans one night. Spoiler alert, a lot of bars look like this in New Orleans. When a cop rode his horse into the bar right next to me. The bartender then took a handful of maraschino cherries and fed them to the horse. Aside from my very rational distaste for cops the horse eating cherries part was cute.
Here’s a better one for ya. If the worst thing you unknowingly put in your mouth, chew, and swallow is a little cat butt. Then, you should consider yourself lucky.
I did pest control for several years. We always said that cats are the worst pest in the house. They stomp around in a box of their own feces and urine. Then they track that all over your counter tops and furniture. They sit on you counters and furniture with a bare butthole.
I mean let’s face it. If you have a cat you’ve more than like put something in your mouth that touched their b-hole even if indirectly.
I mean it just takes time and a lot of poop. After a year or so bacteria and stuff break your poop down. So, what you are going to want to do is boil that huge pile of year old poop. Then strain it, but keep the water. Then boil the water down slowly. I’d probably let the last bit evaporate on its own. But, if you do it right. You wind up with some nice saltpeter crystals, or so I’ve heard. Also, I’ve heard tell that most poops will work but it really needs to be covered from rain.
I read that as Jimmy Saville at first. I was super confused.
Hell yeah! I’m guessing that by the “game we should have had”. They mean that I finally get a companion that doesn’t cry like a 3 year old with a skinned knee every time I kill someone. No?
Oh, ummmmmm, then I’m guessing they meant that choices actually have consequences and you can’t join more than one faction at a time. No?
Shit, third times the charm right? Then I’m going to guess I can finally complete the heart of mars mission. No?
Damn it!!!
That was actually the second crazy thing that happened on that trip. The first happened earlier while it was still light out. I was at a spot where a long country straight away was up above where I was fishing.
I heard a car go by really fast. Then I heard the tires scrr short pause scrrr long pause then scrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr BOOM!!! The boom was so hard and close I felt it in the ground. A few mins go by and a cop car goes by then a fire truck then another fire truck. After a few more mins an ambulance with siren on goes by. A few more minutes later I saw that same ambulance leaving without sirens and not in a hurry.
So, either the driver was completely ok, or…
This happened to me 2 nights ago. I was fishing for catfish and it was 9pm. The sun went down at like 5. I’m in the woods with a bright headlamp on, and there is an old service road behind me that I’ve never seen anyone drive down before.
So, imagine my surprise when I see 2 headlights coming down the service road. When I realized it was coming towards me I cut off my headlamp. I don’t know if it’s like this everywhere, but in the south everyone I know was taught to always assume people in the woods are up to no good and to be avoided.
Anyway, the truck stops on the hill 30 meters above me. I grabbed my machete in preparation for whatever is about to happen and continue fishing in case they are lost or something. I can hear rap music blaring from the radio. So, I’m pretty sure not a game warden, and about that time I see a second truck coming down the road. It stops behind the first. They get out and talk for a few mins then leave in opposite directions.
I was incredibly relieved that nothing happened, but I also went ahead and packed up and left after that.
Another fun fact about crocodiles, and alligators is that they actually have the immune systems that conservatives think they have.
But for real, they are trying to make new antibiotics from crocodile and alligator blood.
I mean down here we just embrace the kudzu. Ok, that’s not true. Down here if you sit for too long, but not as long as you’d think. The kudzu embraces you.
I fucking love muscadines and scuppernongs. I could and do eat them until I almost poo myself every year. My dad has a vineyard where he grows and harvests them. So, every year he sends me some.
I don’t see Cherry. No Cherry, none of my money that simple. Cherry is the best neighbor, and Tiffany is the second best neighbor. I will die on this hill.
You need to photoshop that. Put some cops in front of the table, and a sign that says some outlandish street value.
I remember telling my dad that I wanted an NES. He was like “we got NES at home.” Get home to a Bally Astrocade. Looking back that was cool as fuck. I miss that thing. But man was I pissed back then.
When I was a kid I used to watch that Conan movie with grace jones. Dude, she was fucken hot.
I just want to mention that this man once kicked Dave Mustaine’s dog, and got punched in the face for it.