a bit of a late post today but i’ve been exceedingly busy working on some important stuff on the side and that’s taken up most of my time. things are going pretty good currently and are generally productive.
a bit of a late post today but i’ve been exceedingly busy working on some important stuff on the side and that’s taken up most of my time. things are going pretty good currently and are generally productive.
Well, it’s been a month and a half since I’ve had a job. Since then, my car got repossessed.
So now my only options are remote (literally live in the middle of nowhere), and I’ve been getting rejected.
Normally, it doesn’t bother me. But it’s coming up on one year of shattering a past relationship of 9 years with drug abuse, and it’s affecting me.
At least I have one year of sobriety to show. Well, mostly sober (weed).
Coupled with living with family, there’s this pressure for me to get a job as soon as possible, but I can’t control the process.
All I tell myself is I’m trying.
So, how I’m feeling this week: a bit disassociated from reality and a bit down on luck.
I’m right there with you.
Yesterday I was totally paralyzed with all of the things I need to do. Ended up cooking dinner and that was all. I’ve been on the job hunt for over a year now just trying to find something that brings a little light to my life, but it all seems so soul-crushing.
I’ve also been dependent on cannabis because it makes me feel… normal? Now my medical card has expired and I never used it illegally so I’m facing this dark tunnel alone and it’s overwhelming.
Though I was able to watch my neighbor’s dog and cat for 10 days earlier this month. It was strange to have living things depend on me again. My boy died about a year and a half ago and I’m still not over it. Isn’t this shit supposed to get easier with time?
We aren’t alone in feeling the way we do. Gods know I could use a hug; if you have family there soak up all the time you can get.
Let’s hope that soon we will crawl out of our personal hells and thrive.
Someone described it to be like the sea: first you fall off the deep end, and you feel like drowning. After some time you manage to get to the surface, but ever so often a wave comes rolling over and makes you gasp for air. Over time, the waves come less often, they get smaller… then once in a blue moon a big one comes and pushes you under again… but hopefully the next one will be a small one.
CW
I’ve been through a lot of pets over the decades, mostly cats but also some dogs. Having to care after another 5 or 10 all the time, made it easier to get busy and forget for a while about the one that had just gone away, but to this day I get emotional while remembering some good old friend from 20 or 30 years ago. When my mom passed away earlier this year, whom I’ve been close to, the only thing that made me move were some decent benzos (aka “f-it-all” pills). Having to give away 8 cats over the following few months, hasn’t been easy though, even if there are about 6 or 8 more left (some come and go, some haven’t come back in a while). It’s been hard to look at them without remembering the others, or thinking that even these may need to go soon. I haven’t lived without pets since I was like 6, not really sure how to even do it, much less completely alone.
That sounds like the famous GSnow comment, also known as “Grief comes in waves”. I find that incredibly helpful and comforting. Here’s a non reddit link in case you or @Flyinx@beehaw.org want to read it.
That’s beautiful, i never heard of it so thank you for sharing. I have a scar from one of my - deceased - dogs; she had sharp nails. I love that scar; it’s like she left a permanent memory on my skin
My pleasure. I really relate about your dog memory scar! I have one from my deceased cat and love it for the same reason.
The worst will wear off but i don’t think there is a universal time frame for how long it will take. I’ve had many pets and it also depends on how close you were with them and how they died. For those with a traumatic death, it took much, much longer, compared to a pet that peacefully died of old age. Don’t wait for the pain to wear off. Just live your life and it will take how long it will take. I do hope you don’t have to deal with people saying things like; just bring in a new pet. That is a completely personal decision; for some it might help, for others it might feel like a betrayal.
Wishing you all the best.