Don’t be a devil’s advocate. Devils can advocate for themselves.

No, but I have been surviving, and honestly that’s enough for now!

Thanks babe. ♥

I am a fixer by nature and by trade.

I’m big for advocating not to fix your partner, because then you aren’t partners, but I’ve spent so much time so deep in the shit that the other day my boyfriend was saying this really sweet, emotional thing about how I “saved” him, and I had to very carefully censor myself because to me, his problems were just… they didn’t even register. Among other professionals, I’ve called it “cute.” Like to what I’m used to, his problems were the equivalent of “I can’t find the mate to this sock” and I found it in the dryer.

Of course, his feelings are real and valid and justified, and his worst day is still his worst day, so there’s no force on earth that could make me belittle his joy and gratitude but… yeah. Barely even registered that I was “saving” him.

Which says a lot about him, and a lot about me.

Fun fact; I think this is my first comment on Lemmy in like 2 weeks. Ya girl busy. Promise I still love ya. Just trying to save the world and doing full time college which was biting way too much off to chew.

I’ll give it a shot. Thanks!

Every time it happens I shake my phone and yell, “Just let me give you money!!”

Yes! Every other month it drops me!

Thanks for this! Just knowing you went back was the kind of thing I was looking for!

I take a ton of vitamins and also fish oil and stuff, it’s just my job. I have a real hands-intensive job. Add to that I’m clumsy, and it’s a nightmare!

Thanks for adding this, though. I really should’ve said something as a PSA.

And flicker makes more.

I hope this helps! It will keep TERFs out for sure.

I love that about black. It goes from chic and classy, to making-a-statement. You have to try and scrape it off and leave big, bare patches to really make it look less cool.

Wow. Just admitting your tokenism like that?

Jesus.

I get what you’re going for but this kind of discourse is part of the problem.

Any time someone says “I’m having a problem because x!” Someone shows up to say, “OTHER people have that problem!” This is not helpful. Adding especially women at the end didn’t negate the whataboutism you started with. No disrespect just… exhausting.

In the US south, we also call horse shit ‘horse apples.’ That’s pretty cool, that the translation persisted.

My favorite move there when someone points out thing that contradict is to say, “Yes. That’s what you were told.” Imply there’s something mysterious to uncover about why those facts don’t gel.

Alternatively: “I’m giving you the real history. That’s not what your character knows to be true!”

Also those new movies were a lot more fun than they had any right to be.

I have sensory stuff but I always love having a really thin or lightweight wrap on, since I overheat easily and can take it off and put it on.

Which I do! Often!

::: TW: diabetes, death

A very dear friend of mine got very sick and I saved her life. I mean this literally- I stopped by to check on her after work because I knew she wasn’t feeling well, and being a trained first responder, I recognized that she was in danger and called 911.

Getting her stabilized took a few days. I dropped everything and cared for her son (caring for special needs son during day, working night shift at night). When she was finally able to return home I was so exhausted I handed off the helping-around-the-house phase to her ex-husband and slept for a few days.

Several months later, she finds out she needs surgery. I’m asking her about if she’s made plans for her recovery and she keeps not answering me. I finally make an off-hand comment about how, since she won’t talk to me about it, I was assuming her other friend must be handling it, and she says something about how since I didn’t help her last time, she wasn’t going to bother me this time.

In absolute shock, I answered in monotone all the things I did for her. I left. I didn’t talk to her much again after that. We happened to cross paths and she hugged me and thanked me for saving her life… but the truth is, while I was hurt, I knew she was septic. I knew she could’ve forgotten what I did. I used it as an excuse.

I’m an educated person. The thing that put her in the hospital is very, very dangerous. It was a miracle she survived, but it’s one of those things where most people are dead within a year.

She made it a year… and then died shortly after. I couldn’t hide my lack of surprise when the news came. I can’t say I was relieved? Just that I’d already grieved. I knew this was coming, so it was as if it had already happened.

Anybody reading this; one of the compounding factors in her death was her diabetes. It was often poorly managed. If you’re in your 20s and not taking your metformin, if you’re in your late 20s, or 30s, and not taking your insulin, I don’t care what your excuses are. I don’t care what your nonsense is. (If you’re too poor, that’s not an excuse. That’s a good reason. Only those of you who are truly too impoverished are exempt from my speech.) If you aren’t treating your diabetes, you are the reason you are going to die. Sooner than you think. You’re going to die, it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to be your own fault. And for most of you, you’re signing up your family or the people you care for to suffer, and for a long time before you finally die.

I’m not going to apologize for it. I’m so heartsick from watching perfectly preventable deaths from people who just can’t be bothered. I hate seeing it coming a million miles away. :::

It’s one of those old lines men trot out around other men. They exclaim that sex is their “biological imperative” to free themselves of responsibility for their desires. It’s a get out of jail free card for being a reprobate.

We evolved to have an entire hierarchy of needs. These folks use those big brains of theirs (that we evolved to continue developing as children independent of our mothers specifically because we evolved to have these conversations) to obsess over sex, and to ascribe their value to that. That’s their choice. But the rest of us have ascribed our value, our existence, and our legacy to mean many and varied things independent of reproductive capability.

My advice; don’t try to understand things that will only make your worldview smaller.

No but you’re legit on to something, because I really think that there are some mirrors that are meant to make you look bad. There was this store in the mall (which closed actually, I bet this was part of why) where any time I put on something to try it, I’ll tell you, I’d for sure leave without buying anything! I actually buy a lot of stuff from torrid online but I recognize that’s a privilege.

I am over 300 pounds. I am all sympathy. Hell, I’m not even down on myself! Feeling shame and disgust isn’t productive, and doesn’t accomplish anything, and doesn’t help anyone, and makes us less capable of helping others. But yeah, I wish there was like a way to connect with other women who just wanted to like… get healthier. The last time I tried joining fitness Discord channels from Disboard I did an introduction and immediately got 3 creeper DMs from fat chasing dudes! (So don’t feel ugly, because men will like anything.)

I am entirely over ‘blank won’t fuck you’ as a response to shit. It’s cliched and trite and kills a conversation.